We're very lucky.
Jack is the sort of child
we all assume we'll have
when we decide to have children,
and the sort of child
less experienced parents
congratulate themselves for.January and February 2004
March and April 2004
May and June 2004
July and August 2004
September and October 2004
November and December 2004
Blogs we read:
Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004 - Mamma
I am what is called these days, an Attachment Parent. We didn't have a name for it 20 years ago, but it's pretty much the style of parenting that I learned from my mother...and it's essentially the way mothers have been tending their babies instinctively almost forever until we started thinking so much and making "rational" decisions about how children "ought" to be raised.
The basic premise is that babies belong with their parents and need their needs meet as quickly as possible until they're old enough to begin doing for themselves. If they learn to trust that they are loved and that their needs will be met, they become calmer, more confident children and adults.
This is the way mothers care for their children in most simple societies and it was codified and refined in 1997 by pediatrician Dr. William Sears and his wife Martha based on their experience raising their own 8 children. (The Complete Book of Christian Parenting & Child Care: A Medical & Moral Guide to Raising Happy, Healthy Children by Martha Sears (Contributor), William, M.D. Sears; The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby -- by William and Martha Sears.)
One of the most empowering things I learned from Dr. Sears is that children will cry -- it's the nature of the beast, and that children don't need for us to make it stop, they simply need not to cry alone. They need their parents there to hold them and be with them while they're feeling such strong and unpleasant emotion. That's what makes them feel safe.
I spent my older childrens' infancy trying hard to make the crying stop -- thinking that if I were a 'good enough mother', my babies wouldn't need to cry. It was frustrating and futile and I spent a lot of time feeling inadequate.
I was young then. Now I know that life isn't like that. Life is sometimes frustrating, angering, and sad. And it's supposed to be. We don't need to be wrapped in cotton wool, we need to know that we're not alone in our frustration, anger, and sadness.
So now, when Jack is sad or angry, I can calmly hold him and accept his tears just as calmly as I accept his laughter ... and the tears never seem to last long.
What a relief.
If anything, raising Jack has made me wish I could go back in time and give these gifts to my first two children. They are every bit as deserving ... but there was so much I didn't know.
