We're very lucky.
Jack is the sort of child
we all assume we'll have
when we decide to have children,
and the sort of child
less experienced parents
congratulate themselves for.January and February 2004
March and April 2004
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Blogs we read:
Wednesday, Jan. 12, 2005 - (Mamma)
Growing, growing, growing!
Good gief!
This boy is determined to make 6 feet tall before his third birthday!
Well, OK, maybe not. But he has been eating like he can't be filled -- and he's so hungry that even foods he doesn't really like get a trial run when they're offered.
He is also trying to give up his nap -- which would be OK, except that he still needs a nap, so he's too keyed up by bedtime to fall asleep. That means lying on Mamma's chest, crying for 20 minutes before going to sleep. Oddly, while it's sad to see my little guy cry, I don't mind holding him while he "cries off some steam" all that much. It feels very much like "we're in this together", which is an oddly sweet feeling.
But yesterday Jack and Dad went to the local science center to play in their toddler room.
Jack is pretty familiar with the science center toddler room, because we have a family membership and so that's an obvious destination when it's time to get out of the house.
Even better, it was a slow day yesterday, so Jack had the place almost to himself and the young woman who supervises the area spent quite a while assisting Jack in his explorations! He loved that!
Altogether, Jack played hard for four hours. That's an immense amount of time at 20 months old -- so he dozed off in the car on the way home.
When they got home, though, the fuss of taking off his coat and shoes and changing a fragrant diaper woke him up again. As has been his habit, he then decided to refuse a nap.
He played for the rest of the day until it was time to come get Mamma from work.
Needless to say, he dozed off again in the car on the half-hour trip to get me from work, and he didn't stir all the way home. He stirred only slightly when I put him to bed -- so I hopped in and we nursed for a few minutes. That put him right back out again. I tried to wake him for dinner, but he was deeply asleep.
No fools we, Rod and I spent the evening catching up on quiet pursuits that have been neglected for the last 20 months or so. I got quite a lot of genealogy information entered into the database and a few pages scrap booked. Rod was working on the reading for Friday's client, I think. He worked in his office, anyway.
I went to bed expecting to be awakened early, but I woke up late - - after 7am! And Jack was *still* sleep!
As Rod and I chatted and made our morning stirrings, Jack finally woke up with the sweetest most serene smile!
He nursed enthusiastically -- and then was urgent to eat, of course. Our little guy had slept for 15 hours! That's a long time without food!
During that 15 hours, he was, evidently, quite busy using the food he'd eaten previously. When I dressed him for the day, I put on his favorite striped overalls. Last week when he wore them, they needed to be rolled up. Today -- unrolled they're too short!
Oh my.
This is my chin
What's different this time?
Raising "two litters" of children is extremely interesting.
Not only have I gotten a chance to "fix" things I did before that I have decided didn't work so well, but I am discovering that I have a whole new perspective on babies and small children.
When I was a new young mother, I was enchanted by my children. I was enthralled by the wonder of them and by their uniqueness. And unique they are!
But this time, I see not only Jack's uniqueness but I also see him stepping into his place in history, just as I see his niece and nephew stepping into theirs.
I can't tell whether this is because I am entering middle age and so am deeply aware of the sweep of history as I have experienced it or whether, having once seen my precious babies grow to adulthood and have babies of their own, I can never again seen babies as anyhting less than their entire lifespan.
I remember watching TJ and Corey sleep when they were infants and small children. I watched them in wonder and pondered what they would be like as adults. I tried to imagine those tiny hands growing into the strong, beautiful hands of young men who would cherish and protect children of their own.
Now, I have seen what kind of men they have grown into, and I am pleased and proud.
And I can see glimmers of the man Jack will be in the small child he is today.
Jack is a boy who can stride confidently into the thick of a crowd, neither joining nor being intimidated. He can be a part of the group, and yet be apart from it, as he goes about his own business within the throng.
Jack is the sort of a boy who gets tears in his eyes when he sees a smaller baby cry and laughs so hard at shared jokes that he literally topples over.
Jack is the sort of boy who bustles about -- never running and yet always moving fast.
Jack loves poetry and words. He is fascinated by the puzzle of written language and intrigued by the rythm and sound of all kinds of languages.
Jack can't sit still when music is playing. But he likes complex, melodic music -- classical and big band are far more interesting to him than the simpler melodies of country and rock popular music.
In all of these things, I can see the glimmers of the man who, like his father and grandfathers, will love to laugh. Who will be neither a follower, easily influenced by popular opinion, nor a leader, dependent on other people's support and admiration.
What, exactly, will that look like? I'm not sure. It will be uniquely Jack. But I look forward to meeting that man -- though I'll admit to being in no hurry.
This is my nose
So, other than seeing my son differently, what are the other differences in my parenting style this time around?
Well, some of it probably has more to do with having a supportive partner than with experience. But I find that although the rules are very similar for Jack to what they were for TJ and Corey, I am more relaxed this time.
I have always been a bit of a "food radical". My boys are raised on pure whole foods, as fresh and as near to their natural state as I can manage. I avoid processed and refined foods and sugars. That's still true. But while I had a blanket "no white flour, no sugar" rule for TJ and Corey, I find that while I offer the same quality of food to him at home, I am not so alarmed when he tastes less nourishing foods away from home or on special occasions. I even allow Jack to eat good chocolate at home occasionally. (European 72% cocoa solids dark chocolate -- it has flavinoids in it, so it's nourishing! Yeah. That's it!).
I didn't have a television at home when TJ and Corey were small -- and I didn't allow them to play at houses where television was likely to be the "entertainment of choice". I still don't have a television. And I still don't allow Jack to watch television -- but I no longer avoid visiting homes whre there is a television in the main entertainment space and I no longer necessarily refuse to eat in restaurants that have televisions on. (But I try really hard to find seats where we can hear each other rather than being overwhelmed my the televised noise.)
I am a lot more conscientious about routine for Jack. TJ and Corey had to endure the completely chaotic life without boundaries or schedules that defined my youth. Jack has a much clearer idea what will happen when, he has a routine that involves cleaning up his toys and brushing his teeth regularly. (I have to say, though, that most of that is thanks to Rod.)
Will all of this make a difference for Jack? Who knows. One thing I have learned is that we do the best we can, but children are here with their own agendas. Whatever we think we know about how to be good parents, our children devote their youth to proving untrue.
So, the biggest change in how I am parenting Jack is that I relaxing and enjoying him more and worrying less.
It feels nice to just enjoy this enchanting little guy. I just wish I could go back and explain it all to my younger self.
