We're very lucky.
Jack is the sort of child
we all assume we'll have
when we decide to have children,
and the sort of child
less experienced parents
congratulate themselves for.January and February 2004
March and April 2004
May and June 2004
July and August 2004
September and October 2004
November and December 2004
Blogs we read:
Wednesday, Sept. 15, 2004 - (Mamma)
Alternative Family?
Jack's current favorite!
A Ride on Mother's Back by Emery and Durga Bernhard
It has come to my attention that in certain circles, ours is considered an "alternative" family.
Lessee, one Mom, one Dad, one baby boy. Sounds like a "standard issue" family to me!
Ah, but you see our little boy stays at home with Dad during the day rather than either being home alone with Mamma or being cared for by "Mamma alternates" in day care. That makes us alternative.
I was kind of surprised -- especially since in our town it seems to be a pretty standard arrangement. In our play group, I'd say about half of the Dads do at least half of the daytime care.
But once I started thinking about it, I realized that our arrangement has made a huge difference in our family. When my father or my first husband took charge of the kids, they thought of themselves as "babysitting". Not so with Rod. Rod isn't "babysitting", he's "parenting". And Rod and Jack have an extraordinarily close relationship as a result!
As an example of this, while we were out wandering the streets instead of sitting in on the meeting the other day, I heard the bells that announced that a train was coming to the crossing a block over.
Little boys love trains!
Excited to be able to show Jack his first real train, I hurried over to the train crossing, baby boy in my arms. It was an Amtrak at full speed--and rather than excited, Jack was terrfied! He stared in horror at the huge, thundering train rushing past, and then bolted, trying to crawl right over my shoulder and calling out "Dad, Dad, Dad!!!"
When he's afraid, my boy knows that his Dad will protect him from anything! A boy can take on the world from Dad's lap!
And Dad usually knows just what Jack wants -- often even before Mamma realizes that Jack wants anything.
On the other hand, Jack is far more willing to go from my arms to visit someone else. If Dad tries to hand him to anyone but me, Jack falls apart.
This arrangement -- or more specifically, its side effects, took some getting used to. I was quite used to being the "important" parent to my babies, since I was the one who mainly took care of them. Sharing the responsibility also meant sharing the importance.
But now that we have gotten used to it, this arrangement feels like the most natural one in the world to us and I think Jack is benefiting in so many ways!
While most "traditional" families have a "main caregiver -- usually Mamma -- Jack has two equally devoted caregivers. I may not be around 100% of the time, but it's not in my nature to defer to anyone else when I am around my baby as Dads are so likely to do. If he needs something and I'm there, I want to do it for him.
Because he has two main caregivers, Jack is also learning more flexibility than many young children do. There are least two "right" ways to do things. There is Mamma's way and there is Dad's way. (Of course, heaven help us if Mamma tries to do something Dad's way -- toddlers, however flexible, are still the prototype of conservative.)
He is also getting twice the experience he would get if one of us was always in charge. We go to different places, we do different things, and we see different people in the course of our days -- and Jack is used to tagging along with both of us. (It's quite an experience to be walking around with Jack and have women I have never seen before saying hello to my 16-month old son! That didn't happen to me with his older brothers until they were in school!)
Alternative? OK, if you say so. ;) That's a good thing, right?
