We're very lucky.
Jack is the sort of child
we all assume we'll have
when we decide to have children,
and the sort of child
less experienced parents
congratulate themselves for.January and February 2004
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Blogs we read:
Sunday, Sept. 18, 2005 - (Mamma)
Choosing Toys
Notes before I get started...
Gosh ... time to think and write, and...what a rush!
You can still keep up with the updates from the boys� travels by clicking "current" over to the left, and then choosing "Trip News" from the list.
Oh, and you can also always click on that cool black and white photo of Jack under the "Haloscan" link over to the left to see the latest photos of Jack. If you've checked lately there's not much new right now, but in general, even when we're not blogging, that's updated -- that can be automated and doesn't require much time.
Mamma is such a crank!
Anyway, I was at a traditional toy store (not a mass marketing outlet, like TRU) with a friend yesterday. The store was having a raffle; anyone who made a purchase over the weekend was to be entered into a raffle for a basket of age-appropriate toys (or something like that).
I offered my ticket to my friend to sign her grandkids up and she was kind of startled that I didn't want to enter Jack.
I explained that "I�m really too picky about Jack's toys for that sort of thing -- and we really don't have a lot of room for toys that don't add value."
Being an old friend, Shelley knows I've always been a bit of a crank, and she knows that Jack hasn't changed that much, so she took me at my word. But this was a really high end toy store with a large collection of mostly wonderful toys, and I saw a few confused looks on the folks around us.
"Aha! A blog topic!" I though to myself.
"Why are you so cranky that you won't let your kid have free toys? Especially really expensive, high quality toys?"
Well, the lack of space was part of the truth. We have just given away our parlour furniture because there simply was no room for everything in the apartment and something had to go! I sure don't want to replace comfortable chairs with toys.
But there's more to it than that, of course, and even if we had unlimited space, I would still be pretty picky.
Because too much is never enough
The first reason is that I am resisting "consumer culture".
From what I can see, beyond the basic necessities, more stuff makes people less satisfied and more stressed. We all know people who have great stuff --but they have so much of it that they can never find anything! Or they're being crowded out of their space, and cleanliness gets harder to maintain by the day, so they spend vast amounts of time shifting piles. Worse, maybe they don't -- they just creep toward living in squalor.
Instead of realizing that they have too much stuff, they think they need more space. If they can afford it, they get more space, which offers only temporary relief. If they can't, it leads to dissatisfaction and a sense of deprivation. (Eitehr way, it leads to a lot more work than anyone really wants to do maintaining it all!)
Consumer culture also results in an over-developed sense of entitlement. The "I deserve it" mentality. Oddly enough, that leads to even more dissatisfaction, because the real world doesn't actually work that way. We may, in some theoretical, esoteric sense "deserve" a lot of things, but as a rule, we can only really count on what we can provide for ourselves. We can't even guarantee that. Do you "deserve" a car? Can you afford one? Do you deserve a well-paying job? Perhaps. Can you find one?
People who understand that "deserving" something doesn't always mean they'll get it, and that even so, they will most likely have to work for it, are far less stressed in dealing with the real world than people who believe that because they think they deserve something, they will (or should) automatically get it.
They're nicer to be around, too, as a rule.
So, in terms of "stuff", Jack has what he needs to develop appropriately, plus a little. But I don't want him to have a lot more than that, until he can work for it -- both for his own long-term happiness and for the sake of the people he will deal with in the future.
(I deal with myself that way, too, FWIW. Other than groceries, I try to restrict stuff-buying to what I really need, and even then I try to restrict my buying to one weekend per month.)
Overrun by stuff!
Aside from the "I deserve" aspect of consumer culture, there is the "over run with stuff" tidiness challenge I mentioned before.
I think children do much better emotionally and intellectually in a tidy, predictable environment.
That seems to be especially so for Jack, though we�re not there with providing it. As the flat get messier over the course of the week, he generally gets harder to get on with. The more toys he has, the less able we will be to keep them tidy, and the less likely he will be to be able to find what he wants to play with. At two, he is only just beginning to look for specific toys -- up until two and a half or three, most children play with what's in front of them and don't really think about anything they can�t see. Of course, they also specialize in "toy as missile" a lot of the time before that too, so fewer toys are still easier!
Mamma, I'm Bored!
But all that only explains why the number of toys matters.
I am also a bit of a nut about the kinds of toys Jack owns.
I have a fairly strict "no batteries" rule.
I have relaxed that a little under Rod's influence -- it was "nothing that takes batteries" -- but Rod pointed out that some really good toys now have batteries because it's become pretty much expected that toys *do* something. But when you take the batteries out, the toys are still functional. Two current examples: Jack has a Fisher Price Farm. When it was given to him as a gift, I took the batteries out, and Jack fell in love immediately! He spends hours playing "role play" with the farm and the animals that came with it.
He also has a fire truck that came with batteries. Since he was with me when I bought it, and he discovered the buttons immediately, I left the batteries in. He pushed the buttons non-stop for months until they finally ran down and then died completely. But he plays with the fire truck more now than ever, pushing it around and making his own games.
The truck and the farm are both excellent toys, and the sounds they can make when fed batteries are really pretty much beside the point. I'm glad Rod led me to realize that, because both toys have brought Jack hours of fun.
So, why no batteries? Simply, the more the toy can do, the less the child has to do to play with it. The less input the child has, the fewer options for play and the quicker the toys becomes boring and have to be replaced.
If most of the toys a child plays with do the playing for him, he never has to develop his own imagination. He becomes more easily bored and learns less about thinking, problem solving, and...well, everything a child is supposed to learn about though play.
And if the child's imagination is weak, he will find it much more difficult to enjoy those toys that *don't* do something.
As I think about it, and about my own childhood and Rod's descriptions of his own childhood, the more I think that the problem is far more exaggerated with an only child. When two or more children play together, they *will* make things up. There may be somewhat less stimulation of the imagination than there might have been if the toys didn't offer to direct the play, but it's probably not as big an issue.
No, you're playing it wrong.
I also avoid any toys for Jack that have a mass-market tie-in for much the same reasons. Toys based on television shows and books come with ready-made "personalities" and "scripts", limiting imaginative play for the children whoi are familiar with them. That's not a big issue for Jack, since he doesn't watch television or movies, but it can be a problem with friends who come over to play -- so we just avoid them for the most part. (I have made an exception for one "Dora The Explorer" sippy cup, because whenever Jack sees a Dora product he calls out "Bella!" Dora and Bella have similar coloring and haircut and I think he thinks of Dora as a drawing of Bella. That's funny and sweet.)
Ready for the 21st Century
So, if he doesn�t have the latest movie tie-in or electronic gadget, what does Jack play with?
Jack has three sets of wooden blocks of different shapes and sizes. He has a dozen balls of every descriptions, three sets of �Lego-style� blocks. (Those are intended for three developmental stages, and the younger two are probably superfluous at this point, though.) He has trucks, and stuffed animals, wooden puzzles whose pieces double as toys. He has books, a computer, art supplies, dress-up clothes, a xylophone, chimes, a recorder, and a steel bowl and wooden spoon that make a really cool sound. He has magnets shaped like letters, numbers, shapes, and transportation vehicles. He has a �rice box� with measuring implements, shovels, and a �mill� that turns when he drops rice through. He has wagons to drag his stuffed animals around in, and wooden rocking horse. He has music CDs of every description. The lad is not lacking in toys!
I have been told that I am raising Jack to be perfectly suite to the 19th century. I don�t think that�s true. He has a computer and there is nothing all that complicated about the mainstream media. He will have plenty of opportunities to play with battery operated toys at other people�s houses, he will see television from time to time, and when he�s old enough to watch with some discernment, we�ll probably watch movies with him. He will catch up quickly as he gets older. And I think, well-equipped to think for himself, entertain himself, and teach himself anything he wants to know, Jack will be better equipped for the 21st Century than children who grew up immersed in it!
