We're very lucky.
Jack is the sort of child
we all assume we'll have
when we decide to have children,
and the sort of child
less experienced parents
congratulate themselves for.January and February 2004
March and April 2004
May and June 2004
July and August 2004
September and October 2004
November and December 2004
Blogs we read:
2007-01-12 - 15:19
�Dad, Dad! Look � it�s snowed! Dad! Look! Winter�s Here!!!�
OK, well, we had snow for a day. Monday, when jack woke up, the whole world was white � the title is a quote of his crowing as he made his way down the stairs on Monday! He then insisted that Dad go out and make a snowman with him and play in the snow for most of the morning.
Sadly, by the time Tuesday rolled around, the rains had done away with the snow completely.
Here it is mid-January, and we still haven�t had a decent snow. Not good. Not good at all�
Hospital Visit
It�s been a long time since Jack and I had a hospital visit to make. For a while there, it seemed at ministry was taking us out to the hospital almost weekly � but that was so long ago that Jack has no memory of it.
Last weekend, though, while we were at Fantasy Forest, Jack found a book by Fred Rogers about hospitalization. He asked me to read it to him several times, and knowing out uncanny boy, I wondered briefly who was about to be hospitalized.
The on Wednesday, our beloved friend, John, was badly injured in a fall.
It has been John�s habit for many, many years to run for several hours every morning unless the snow was too deep. I haven�t heard the details, but I gather that at 5am on Wednesday, the rain had frozen into black ice in his neighborhood. Not realizing that, John set out on his run. At some point he slipped on the ice and hurt himself very badly. He made his way home, but later in the day, he sent a note to a friend with whom he had plans to say that he was hurt and not up to getting together. Knowing that that is very unlike our John, Storm wisely decided to pay him a visit. She found him pale, confused, and obviously in a lot of pain. (I interpret this to mean that John was clearly in shock from the pain.) She bullied John into the emergency room, and it�s a good thing she did. It took 13 and a half hours to stabilize John sufficiently to move him from ER to a room. It turns out that he had shattered the ball joint of his right shoulder. By my calculations, they are wheeling him into surgery as I write this for a complete shoulder replacement.
Anyway, Storm got word to me, which I received on Thursday morning. I immediately made plans to take Jack after work to look in on John.
We arrived late, of course. John�s home is 40 miles from ours, and I had to go home, eat dinner, and collect Jack before I could head out. By the time we got there, John was already trying to sleep.
Jack found it rather strange and uncomfortable to see his vibrant friend, John, lying in bed, looking pale. The many flavours of pain medication he was on had also made John rather confused, and Jack seemed to find it distressing to see him so disoriented. .
Nonetheless, Jack gave John a drawing he had made recently and shared some cookies that he had baked that morning. Then he sat quietly or explored the room while John and I chatted for an hour.
It wasn�t until afterward, when Jack and I talked on the way back to car, that I realized that the poor little guy was distressed. He behaved sweetly and just perfectly while we were with John. I am very proud of him. I think he feels a little better, since we talked. I had told him on the way to the hospital that John had fallen and hurt himself badly and that he needed the special kind of care he could only get from doctors and nurses in the hospital. I had reminded him that people who are in the hospital need to stay in bed and rest a lot. All of that was ok. But John�s disorientation seemed to really bother Jack. As did the alarm that they had set up to keep John in bed. (John is an independent sort, and they kept finding him out of bed and exploring his room.) When I explained that the medicine that the doctors and nurses gave to John so it wouldn�t hurt so much also made it very hard to think and had confused John, but that he would be OK once he had his surgery and was able to heal, Jack seemed somewhat comforted. .
I know, though, that he will be glad to see his dear friend feeling back to normal. We will all be happy to see John back to himself!
Smart, Bright, Charming, but please not �gifted�
Dad�s thoughts of the �g� word
Jack is many things. He is bright, he is charming, he is smart, he thinks a lot for a three year old, and he solves a lot of problems for himself.
A few people have used the �g� word in reference to him, but I have a lot of trouble with that.
The first problem I have is with the nomenclature. �Gifted� implies a giver, and with no mortal takers for the prize, its got to be the Great Cosmic Muffin or whatever title one gives to Divinity that has bestowed the �gift�. That�s OK if you like that sort of thing, but then there is the next logical step. A gift implies a recipient, but once the Divine is the giver, a great purpose is implied, and therefore the child who has received the gift is under some perceived obligation to develop the gift and then use it for a great and noble purpose.
If one removes the Great Cosmic Muffin from the picture, the word �gifted� then implies �possessing a gift� which then implies that the gift needs to be shared with humanity. A gift from humanity for humanity if you like. That still means that the possessor of the gift is somehow beholden to the world at large.
Any way I look at it, there is a lot of implicit baggage with the title �gifted�.
Then there is the �So What?� aspect. Jack is Jack. He is smarter than some, he is slower than others, he is showing some real promise in reading and math, and a great love for music. Even if one can title him �gifted�, what real difference does that make? If he is ready for University a year or two ahead of his peers, then we have time to take a detour or two in his education while his body catches up with his abilities. A fertile mind has many interests, we can pursue a few of those while getting ready for college.
Titles like �gifted� are only really useful when dealing with educational institutions because they need a word for kids with exceptional talent, and that�s the one that has stuck. The beauty of home-schooling is that I can tailor his education to suit his needs, and foster whatever special interests he has� and I get to call it �normal�, because Jack is the only child I have to educate.
The other use �gifted� has is for parents who want to draw attention to their child�s exceptional abilities in the hope that some of the glow rubs off on themselves. It�s not a really healthy thing in my opinion, but it happens.
Then, there is the question of Genius. Now, let me say straight up, in my opinion Jack is not showing signs of genius.
I have said a long time before Jack was ever thought of, the only difference between genius and mania, is the relative usefulness of the mania within the culture of the individual concerned. If it is useful, it is genius and will be encouraged, if it is not useful, it is mania, and will be medicated or otherwise mitigated.
Mamma�s thoughts of the �g� word
Rod and I adore jack. We�re amazed at his every discovery and we marvel at the wonder of him. Then again, we�re his parents, we�re supposed to dote on him! Every now and then, in response to our doting, someone will comment that they thin he�s �gifted�. Um�no. No, Jack may be a little ahead in some ways, but in other�s he is clearly behind his peers. It�s true, we spend less time talking about that � in part because that�s not as much fun to talk about.
Examples? Well, while Jack was reading when he was two, he is now nearly four and not yet toilet trained. Jack is �inventing� addition and �commutation of values�, yes. But he can not yet draw anything recognizable � a recent triumph is that he can now scribble using a heavy enough hand to see his writing. He can�t manage to �colour in�, either. Jack can spell, but scissors have him utterly defeated for the moment. He can play a respectable game of dominoes, but other than his coat and shoes, he can�t even start to dress and undress yet.
So, while Jack�s brain works just fine, he is hasn�t got it all together yet in the motor development arena. It�s not a disaster � I don�t think many people observing him casually would identify a �disabled� boy. But there is definitely something less than genius about how this is going.
But quite aside from it not being true, I think that being labeled can be a terrible burden on a young person whether we adults perceive the label as a good one or a bad one. They can be helpful and even necessary, as Rod said. If you need a diagnosis to get your child the appropriate kids of help and education then they are, all in all, a good and necessary thing to have.
That�s not the situation with Jack. He won�t be in the public school system, so neither his advantages nor his deficits need to be called out for him to get a tailored education. And since he doesn�t need the labels to get individualized attention, I don�t want him to carry the burden of having been �gifted� as a child. I don�t want him to dread turning some age, because being an adult means he won�t be �special� and �a boy genius� anymore.
Nor do I want him limiting himself because he perceives himself as being �slow� or �less able�. I have seen both situations, and neither is something I want Jack to go through. Life is hard enough without it!
So, as Rod says, if you�re so inclined, please feel free to comment on Jack being smart, funny, or charming. Those are tags that he can live with and live up to. But let�s leave the �g� word alone.
